"The Counterintuitive Secret to Long-Term Success: How Values Fuel Performance"
In a society where performance and achievement often dictate our sense of self-worth, especially for women in male-dominated environments, the pressure to constantly prove our value can be overwhelming and downright demoralizing. When we combine this with microaggressions that women frequently experience in the workplace such as being spoken over, interrupted, or mansplained it can lead to a cycle of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or diminished self-confidence not because these are intrinsic to women but because of biases and how we are treated.
Despite these challenges we strive to excel, to be exceptional, and to be indispensable. However, we must reject the pressure to conform. We must ask ourselves; how can we emancipate ourselves from these imposed expectations? What if we dared to challenge this paradigm? What if we embraced a value higher than performing for the patriarchy, recognizing that our worth extends far beyond our professional accomplishments? As women navigating spaces where success is often narrowly defined, it's time to shift the narrative. It is time for us to liberate ourselves from the chains of performance-driven validation, and embrace the power that comes from aligning our actions with our personal values. This is empowering because our values are what we deem as authentically important to us that serves as the basis of our true fulfillment, not what others expect from or impose upon us. It is in this shift - from a focus on performing for to a focus on being ignited by purpose – that we find a more sustainable form of success that celebrates our identity not just our deeds.
Whenever I want to do an outstanding job, on a speech for example, the minute I focus on what the audience thinks of me, and how well my speech is going (aka performance) – I become drained. In contrast, focusing on the values of contribution, service, or learning and growth, empowers me to excel. I learn not to invoke stress or anxiety by making it all about me, but I make the audience the center of the story. My job is to see them, empathize with them, and connect with them so that I can move them not just through my words but through the power of my presence.
When we focus on the need to perform, it disconnects us from ourselves and from the power that lies in our own story. However, when we focus on contribution and service, with an attitude of prioritize learning – our impact multiplies because we are focused on what we can do for others, not just ourselves. The need to perform and prove yourself to others also disconnects us from them, but when we release ourselves from this pressure, everything changes.
Life shouldn't revolve around just winning and performing. Ironically, this focus can sap our energy and inhibit our potential. Success achieved in this state is often fleeting and unsustainable. But when we concentrate on higher values, we tap into a deep, enduring source of motivation that leads to success that fills our souls not our egos.
The truth is feeling the need to constantly prove your worth whether it’s via performance or something else is utterly exhausting. When we are exhausted, we cannot contribute at our highest levels. This falling short as mentioned earlier contributes to feelings of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and internal struggles with self-worth and identity.
These are not the only downsides to constantly trying to perform (to prove our worth). Here are some others that pop up with my coaching clients. See which ones resonate with you personally.
- Perfectionism, which is not the same as striving for excellence
- Setting unrealistic standards which inevitably sets you up to fail
- Stress and anxiety.
By shifting the focus to a higher value, individuals can achieve more fulfilling and long-lasting success. Here are some additional values that I have found particularly uplifting:
Connection: Fostering connection with others that you work with allows you to build rapport and establish meaningful relationships which can help you to accelerate success due to having a strong network.
Authenticity: Being true to ourselves and our principles fosters genuine trust and connections, enhancing our credibility.
Impact: A focus on the potential outcomes and benefits of our work can inspire change and leave a lasting legacy. This will ultimately serve to elevate your brand.
Truth telling (showing teeth): Truth telling, or showing teeth, involves speaking candidly, assertively, and courageously to disrupt, drive change, and may lead to innovation. By being bold and direct in your communication, you can ensure that your ideas are heard, understood, and respected, even if they are challenging or unconventional because the outcome is worth temporary discomfort.
Resilience: Developing resilience helps you recover from setbacks, adapt to change, and persist toward your goals. It demonstrates mental toughness and inspires those around you, contributing to a supportive work environment.
Remember this, you don’t have to perform for the patriarchy. You have the choice to step away from that game and redefine success based on your authentic values that resonate with your purpose. Doing so not only makes your journey toward success more meaningful and fulfilling but also sets a precedent for others. By living and working in accordance with your own values, you free yourself from others' expectations and become a beacon for living success on your own terms.
When this mindset spills over from you into your workplace it can ignite a shift toward a people-centric culture. In such a culture, individual worth is acknowledged and celebrated for who we are, not just what we achieve. This approach can lead to a more balanced, inclusive, and empowering environment for everyone.