You Don’t Have to Be an Extrovert to Be Influential at Work
We live in a society where extroverted behavior is elevated for those who aspire to leadership, that if you are an introvert, it's easy to feel like you need to change who you are to be effective. However, the truth is that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be influential. Influence is not about one style or form but about achieving outcomes — it's the "what," not the "how" that’s important in accomplishing it. The most influential people understand that adapting their style to the situation and stakeholder, without changing who they are, is key to effective influence.
Flexing Your Style
Different situations and people will require different approaches. This is why the most influential people know how to adapt. Too often we focus on what is comfortable for us and what is our default, but the most influential are willing to step outside their comfort to try strategies that will resonate with their audience.
Here are five things that I keep in mind when flexing my style in order to be more influential, while remaining authentically me.
1. Pay Attention: Watch, listen, and observe. The more we understand our audience, the better we can adapt our approach to meet their needs.
2. Be Curious: Ask questions and do research. Sometimes just observing won’t be enough and in these cases we need to dig deeper to find valuable insights.
3. Adjust, Don’t Change: This is about authenticity, which is a huge value of mine. We don’t have to change who we are, we just need to adjust our approach until we find one that works. Additionally as we remain authentic to who we are at our core, others are able to connect with us because authenticity fosters trust and respect.
4. Focus on the outcome: Concentrate on the impact we want to have, not the method used to get there. When we focus on the bigger picture, the how to do it will become clear.
5. Show, Don’t Tell: Sometimes it is not about how loud you can speak, but who you are being, your character that will be the most powerful. Demonstrate your values, be consistent, show up with integrity. Principled centered leadership can influence way more than you can imagine.
6. Be Authentic: Influence by being your true self. Authenticity fosters trust and respect, creating deeper connections.
Personal Story: Adapting to Connect
I used to get frustrated with a manager I had years ago because I could never get enough time on his calendar to approve various projects/items I was working on. It hindered my progress and caused me to have to work way too many hours to get my work done. I was beyond irritated. Once I calmed down, I asked myself, how can I influence this man to want to work with me because we had nothing in common. That powerful question made me curious and that curiosity allowed me to notice that he was passionate about running and health. I noticed that many of my peers would spend so much time talking about racing strategies with him, and were able to get more time with him to eventually sign off on their projects. So I decided to change my strategy and took an interest in running not to manipulate him, but to find common ground. Besides, doing this allowed me to reconnect to earlier childhood desire to run, besides losing a few pounds and being healthier couldn’t hurt, right? By focusing on his interests, I was able to build a rapport and eventually influence him on important work matters.
I figured out how to influence him by asking the right question, getting curious and paying attention (three of the strategies I mentioned above).
I learned to adapt in order to accelerate my results, and this is the final point I want to make.
The most effective leaders learn to adapt and flex their way of doing things in order to get the results that they want.
One of my favorite articles that I frequently refer to is “What’s Your Influencing Style?” by Harvard Business Review. It talks about how the most effective leaders know how to dance between the five influencing styles below based on the situation they are in, so that they can get the best outcome. None of them are better than the other, it’s all about what will work for the situation they are in. They need to have social awareness to know what will work and keep flexing their strategy until they land on one that is effective.
Here are the five:
Rationalizing: Using logic, facts, data and reasoning to present your ideas.
Asserting: Relying on personal confidence, rules, law, and authority to influence others.
Negotiating: Making concessions, compromises or trade-offs in order to reach an outcome that satisfies a greater interest?
Inspiring: Communicating a sense of shared mission and exciting possibility to appeal to others. Telling stories helps with this.
Bridging: Influencing outcomes by uniting or connecting with others via reciprocity, building coalitions, etc.
Here is the final take-away. Influence is about outcomes not about fitting into or changing who you are to meet others’ expectations. It’s about understanding the needs of your audience and adapting your approach to connect with them effectively. You can be influential without being an extrovert. By embracing flexibility, being intentional, and staying authentic, you can achieve meaningful outcomes and build strong, influential relationships.