How To Stop Worrying About What People Think As A Business Woman or Entrepreneur Part 2
This is part two of a two part blog series on How To Stop Worrying About What People Think As A Business Woman or Entrepreneur. Read part one, here.
5. Focus On Being Authentic Not Getting Approval
Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American philosopher and poet said: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” I immediately fell in love with this quote the very first time that I heard it because I knew it was completely true. The tension most people feel to go with the flow versus living out their truth is completely real. There is a pressure to blend in, and to not rock the boat. Therefore, to fully step up and be the unique individual each of us is destined to be is so hard that when it does happen it is nothing shorter than a miracle. If you have read my blogs, you know that I consistently refer to normalizing a struggle as one of the most powerful ways to eradicate shame and in this case normalizing and destigmatizing is absolutely powerful. I have personally found a lot of comfort in recognizing that while I have my insecurities, no matter how tough another person may appear they too have insecurities as well. It may not be in the same area that I struggle with but definitely in at least one area. This makes us realize that this is just part of being human and you can still be great and be vulnerable. Maybe what makes us great is actually our vulnerability! Being brave in the face of vulnerability includes times that we feel insecure but we decide to show up and show out!! So take this blog post as your permission slip to be you and be true. Forget the words of the naysayers because those who are not in the arena can criticize from being spectators in the bleachers, but you are not a spectator you are an athlete playing in the field. When you show up as you true self, vulnerable and all, it is like being in a washing machine, it cleanses you and builds internal strength. Specifically the washing machine will cleanse you from the dirt of doubt, fear, insecurity, and pride (aka ego). Then when other people start throwing their “opinions” around, it doesn’t quite matter because you have been in the wash for so long that it just bounces off you because you are secure in who you are. So stay in the wash friends. There is no shortcut to greatness. Only the ones will to do the real hard work will get there and last. You are not just a flash in the pond. You are the real deal, so step up and show your true powerful authentic self and allow the spirit of fortitude to be built in you in time as you become stronger through the challenges and not bow down to the trap of trying to hustle for approval. You are born enough so no need to hustle for something you already have!
6. Don’t try to avoid criticism - change your interpretation of it
There is a difference between criticism and feedback. Feedback is constructive and intended to help you learn and improve. Feedback may not feel good but the result of it, if it is taken in the right way can be acceleration of professional or personal growth. Criticism on the other hand is destructive and intended to boost the ego of the critic by dragging someone else down or at least make them not feel bad about where they are. It could just be their way of resisting the disruption of the status quo that “being you” and “doing you” brings. Criticism has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person. Perhaps they are projecting their own fears or feelings upon you. Maybe they have a scarcity mindset and are threatened at the thought of you being successful or operating in your talent. Whatever their reason is, it doesn’t matter just realize it isn’t personal. Their criticism is not about you and has nothing to do with you whether or not they realize it; it is about them. The interpretation that you are changing here is not that there is something wrong with you or that you are flawed but that the motives of the critic has nothing to do with you or your abilities so don’t give it any energy.
7. Extract the information Ditch the Emotion
Now if you are really ready to take on a challenge and blow things out of the water due to your high level of emotional maturity, you can take criticism and turn it into feedback that helps to elevate you in special situations. In the last point that I made I said ignore the criticism and move on. I will especially advise people to do this if they tend to get derailed from their mission or purpose easily due to negative comments. However, for my BOSS friends, I mean, if you are ready to be a bad mama jama you can see past the negative words and emotions, take the part of the message that would benefit you and ditch the emotional aspect of it. This means take the lesson that you can learn from the comments (of even the haters) and move past the aspect of it that is perhaps meant to discourage you or tear you down. It’s not easy but this is the kind of mentality that separates the champions from the amateurs. So which one are you? If you are reading this blog I believe that you are the kind of person who has what it takes to be the champion. So ask yourselves these powerful questions (you know how much I love powerful questions):
What lesson can I learn from these comments?
What aspect of this could be true?
What improvements can I make from this criticism?
Extract the information that you need to refine and tweak your next step and leave the emotional roller coaster behind! We are gladiators my friends, so let’s put on our big girl pants (or boy pants). You are ready to eat the steak, and tough feedback is the steak! You have graduated from milk so don’t act as if you are an infant (I thought of my Brazilian friend for this analogy when he was so proud that his baby girl could eat steak so sorry to the vegans and vegetarians out there!) In any case, the way to do this is to take the message and don’t get hung up on the messenger or even the delivery. Yes, they may need to work on their communication skills, but this is so not your issue! Let them deal with themselves and take action on what you can control or have the ability to take action on so that you can accelerate your growth to the next level and be unstoppable!
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