How To Stop Worrying About What People Think As A Business Woman/Entrepreneur

As human beings we have a deep need for belonging especially as women, being the relational creatures that we are. Yet, an unhealthy need for validation from others and attachment to their opinion can severely limit our ability to thrive and succeed in our careers or as business owners. In this blog series we will review specific steps that you can take to release yourself from the need to hustle for validation from others so that you can blow past the limits that enslaving yourself to the opinion of others will inevitably have on your business and professional success.

1. Make Your Desire For Success Greater Than Your Fear Of Criticism

Until you cultivate an inextinguishable burning desire to succeed in your professional or business goals and make that desire so strong that it eclipses all fears of criticism you will not succeed (read this statement again!). A powerful desire will have the ability to make all worry about other people’s comments irrelevant because the passion for that goal burns so ferociously that it consumes all paralyzing fear. If your desire isn’t so strong that it propels you to this level of dogged determination then it is either time to reconnect to your mission or find a bigger one. Assuming that you have found this powerful purpose it is time to cultivate that goal to the point that it is more powerful than the sabotage mechanism of worrying about criticism. The best way to cultivate this driving desire is to write down your goal on a piece of paper. Then answer the following questions regarding your desire.

*Why is this goal important to me?

*Why does it matter?

*How does it relate to the type of person that I want to be?

*How is this goal bigger than me? (think about family, friends, community)

*How does this goal relate to the impact that I want to make or the legacy that I want to leave?

Once you have answered these questions, read your goal and the answers aloud twice daily, once in the morning and another at night. Say the goal out loud with energy, passion, and all the emotion that you can infuse in order to shift it from a mere goal to a burning desire whose attainment is non-negotiable. This exercise will allow your goal to become more important than criticism because not only have you attached emotion and purpose to the goal but you have also reprogrammed your mind to focus more on the goal and less on the background noise of people’s opinion (think about non constructive criticism as just distracting noise). You must keep doing this exercise for a minimum of 30 days but not stopping until you have achieved the goal or no longer think primarily about what people have to say. This takes time, you have probably spent years training your brain to focus on external chatter so we will need to extend a good amount of effort in this re-programming process. It is worth the commitment and effort put in when you realize that you are finally free from the shackles of caring so much about what the critics have to say. You can also read this blog for more tips on steps to take to ensure that you achieve your goals this time.

2. Figure Out Whose Opinion Really Matters

Not all criticizers are created equal, so figure out whose opinion truly matters in this situation. You will not be able to make everyone happy. If you try to please everyone failure is guaranteed because you will end up pleasing no one. Instead figure out whose opinion really matters and forget everyone else. Literally forget them so you can focus on the priority without distraction. Even the individuals that you are attempting to get buy in from, it isn’t about trying to please them, it is more about focusing on getting a specific outcome. This requires influential skills and building trust through building credibility and/or establishing relationship, not trying to please. The most important question that you can ask yourself to help you influence others is “What does this person care about in relationship to this topic?” if you can answer this question and demonstrate to the people you are trying to influence, what’s in it for them (i.e. what benefit they will get or difficulty they will avoid/solve) then you will make great head way in your ability to influence them.

3. Change Your Response By Trusting Yourself First (Validate Yourself)

Worrying about other people’s opinion of us can be overcome by trusting ourselves first. Worry has to do with fear, and the way to overcome fear is to replace it with love and faith, i.e. love for ourselves and faith in us! We need to believe in ourselves and our abilities. To see our own brilliance so that we are not hustling to get approval from others or looking to them to validate our self-worth. Whomever you fear (whose opinion you are afraid of) has ultimate power over you so it is important not to relegate your personal power to someone else. Take your power back by building self-trust. This faith or trust in yourself will be an evidence based exercise not a mere “touchy-feely” mantra. One tactical way to develop more trust in yourself is to identify all the things that you have done well in the past and catch yourself doing something right in the moment. Reflecting on past wins and looking for new data in the moment will build an extensive database of evidence of your amazingness (I may have made up a word here!). Acknowledge yourself for even small things, so that you can build the habit of seeing the wonderful uniqueness that is you.

4. Find A Bigger Purpose In Criticism

When you are stepping up to do great things in the world you will be criticized, it is part of the territory, so accept it or resign to play small. Aristotle says “The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” This is pretty simple, when you are up to something big you will attract both admiration and criticism so you will need to deal with the ups and downs of both. Sometimes the same people who praise you will be the same ones to turn around and curse you. People can be fickle and their praise fleeting. So it is to your advantage to not overreact to either. Don’t allow praise to inflate your ego too much and at the same time don’t allow criticism to derail you. Maintain a balance perspective and look at criticism as training ground for bigger accomplishments. Sometimes we want to achieve tremendous things in life, business or our careers but we are not ready to deal with what comes with greatness. Developing a thick skin is a big part of what very successful people who are able to maintain their success have had to learn to do. So shift your response to criticism from worry to gratefulness, knowing that you are being trained for bigger things. You my dear, are being prepared to level up!

Stay tuned for next week’s blog post, part 2 of this series! In the meantime you can check out this previous blog post on how to handle criticism.

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