How To Believe That You Are Enough Part 2

This is part two of a two part blog series on How To Believe That You Are Enough. Read part one, here.

5. Take Action And Release Control

There is a constant tension that humans face, the desire to trust and reap the fruits of it which is peace versus our other desire of making this happen typically through harsh striving and control. The dilemma is that even when we take action everything that happens subsequently isn’t necessarily within our control. So we live either in fits of trusting which in many cases results in taking no action at all while unrealistically hoping that things will just work out. Or we take lots of action and the try to force an outcome. I am here to tell you the truth lies somewhere in the middle of those extremes. It lies in taking action and trusting the process, then waiting patiently for the desired outcome to take place. In some situations the outcome will be swift while in other situations it will take time. Our role isn’t to make it happen faster than we are ready for it to take place but to be faithful in doing what is necessary to build the foundations of success. Durable foundations are built on cement i.e. material that is solid, not sand.

So what does all of this have to do with self-confidence and believing that you are enough? When we focus on things that are outside of our control and forcing things to happen, many times it will not work out as we hoped it would because frankly it wasn’t meant to. Then when it doesn’t happen we enter into a downward spiral because the failure confirmed our worse internal fear that we were not good enough but really the issue was that our focus was misdirected. If we focus on character building activities such as taking action persistently and consistently we can peacefully release the outcome, recognizing that when we are ready to receive it, the results will come without sacrificing our self-esteem or building up a false ego in the process. For more insight on how to take decisive action while trusting more and worrying less, read this blog, The Ambitious Woman’s Guide To Trusting More And Worrying Less or watch this Youtube video on the same topic.

6. Be Your Own Guru

Have you even over-valued someone else’s opinion over your own regarding your own life and path? I certainly have! What I have learned is that when I over-value someone else’s opinion over my own it diminishes the value that I bring in my own eyes and it results in trusting myself less than I do others. It is surprising how often we do this out of habit and then we wonder if we are good enough. My perfect example was an experience that I had with a health issue that I was dealing with and of course I did what I was supposed to do and went to the doctor. Here I went to the doctor to describe all my symptoms and immediately she prescribed medication and decided I would have to take this medication for the rest of my life. This after a 10 minute discussion without asking me if I would be willing to adjust my diet and incorporate lifestyle changes (which I kept telling her that I would) instead of being on a medication forever which I knew would result in side effects. So for a full year, I was obedient despite what my instinct told me and lo and behold I went on to have all sorts of unnecessary complications that could have been prevented if I had just listened to my intuition and recognize that while the doctor was the expert on medicine that I am indeed the expert on my own body. Now, this is absolutely NOT a suggestion to go out and throw out your medication without consulting your doctor nor is it advice to take your health in your hands and demonize doctors. The lesson was that I knew my body, my level of commitment, my symptoms and I needed to find a doctor who would partner with me and honor my level of insight and expertise about myself, my body and my life. I went on to find a specialist doctor who took the time to listen, we partnered to do tests and with her supervision weaned myself off that horrible medication and made the dietary and lifestyle changes needed to be healthy without it. I want to encourage you dear one to trust yourself and your expertise just as much as you trust those of others so that you can partner to bring equal value to your interactions whether at work or in any area of your personal life and you will begin to realize based on experiential data that you are not only good enough but beyond brilliant!

7. IDENTIFY AND PROCESS YOUR SHAME TRIGGERS

In her book, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Making The Journey From “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough”, Brene Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” We all have areas in our lives that we would like to work on and many of them are essential to our overall well-being. Does the fact that you don’t have it all together in every area of your life mean that you are unworthy of love, acceptance, success, belonging or manifesting your desires? The answer is no, but when we are attacked by shame triggered by our inadequacies it is hard to remember that we are worthy. Our worth is based on who we are, not our performance, or lack of. You woke up worthy regardless of what you get accomplished today or don’t. You are worthy because you are a living breathing human being. The less conditions we place on our worthiness is the more free we will be. Shame however has a unique way of attacking each person and it can cause you to feel stuck. The typical reaction to shame is to suppress it but instead of suppressing the feelings, I encourage you to explore them and process. Whatever we suppress only gets stronger but as we process them they move through us and lose its ability to handicap or paralyze us from moving forward.

So, what are your shame triggers? Many women have shame triggers around body weight, motherhood, organization, work, relationships, intelligence or beauty. Brene Brown has a great download on her website (I Thought It Was Just Me Worksheet) that can help you identify and process your shame triggers so that you can progress through them rather than be stumped by them. As Brene says, “Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

My dear loved one, you have a light brilliant beyond your imagination so explore it, expose it and let your brilliance shine. You are already enough.

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