How To Really Build Your Confidence
Wouldn’t it be great to live truly free? I mean 100% unencumbered by what other people think or expect from you? Free to express the magnificent personality flowing deep from your soul. Free to dance to your own music. Free to find your voice and use it. Free to love the one you desire so deeply to love. Free to pursue all of the professional and personal goals or dreams that are deep within your soul.
Confidence is about developing trust in our own abilities, creativity, and perspectives. You trust that you may not have all the answers right now, but you have all that you need within you to figure it out. A confident woman is unhindered by self-doubt, shame, fear, and approval seeking. It doesn't mean she she is immune from experiencing these feelings, she merely doesn’t allow them to hinder her. Don’t you want to be that kind of woman? The woman who becomes unstoppable because her life vision is more compelling than conforming to standards she never truly bought into? The woman who has found her unique secret power within to fly free. The woman who is finally beginning to manifest her gifts and no longer hiding in the corner. After all, nobody puts baby in the corner (for all of us Dirty Dancing fans)!
If you are done with living inside the box and ready to burst out and fly free, here are five powerful actions that you can take to start building confidence, even if it means Braving the Wilderness as author Brene Brown says.
Check out my Youtube Video “How To Build Your Confidence At Work,” which is related to this post.
1. Change your relationship with self-doubt
Self-doubt is that nagging, shaming, criticizing voice that shows up when you are trying to step outside of your comfort zone, or when you are trying to expand your reach. It is the universal voice that tells each of us that we are not good enough, smart enough and that we don’t have what it takes to fill that gap. One of the best ways to tame this voice and quickly reduce its negative impact is to realize that this voice is common and most people experience it at some point in their lives.
When we realize that self-doubt is part of the human experience and not that we are somehow uniquely flawed, it allows us to remove the stigma and the shame associated with these feelings, which results in a healthy normalization. When self-doubt shows up, it is actually a reason to celebrate because it suggests we are pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone. This means that learning and growing are happening. Read this blog for in depth tips to overcome self-doubt.
2. Reframe the stories that you tell yourself about failure
Failure is part of the growing process, but it never feels good, and most of us really hate it. However, to learn and grow from failure we have to develop resilience. Reframing is a fundamental skill in resiliency. It is a cognitive tool that allows us to apply a perspective to our experiences that give us back our power. This is an empowering perspective that we can live with and thrive from. The facts remain the same, but a deliberate mental shift is made in how we interpret it. One person may look at a failure and think that they don’t have what it takes to achieve their goal, while another may look at it as learning what not to do next time, therefore; increasing their chance of finding the right path that will explode their growth! It is the same event, but the interpretation of this event determines whether or not it will be to our detriment or a stepping stone to our triumph!
3. Start taking action on your passions
One of the best ways to build up your self-trust muscle is to start taking action on your passions and build up your expertise in those areas. I believe that we all have a creative genius in us and as we begin to explore our talents, we will eventually find our genius. When we find our genius, we unleash our creativity and begin to discover the impact that we can have in the world. The more committed we become to perfecting our craft the more we make our indelible imprint on this world. This unique imprint allows us to realize just how uniquely talented we are, and we begin to attract a tribe of people who also feel and see this greatness. As we live aligned more and more to our purpose and passion, our fulfillment grows as well as our self-trust, aka self-confidence.
4. Catch yourself doing something right
Somehow, we are wired to be hard on ourselves and criticize ourselves for falling short of being perfect, which we know is impossible. The problem with perfection is that it causes us to set unrealistically high standards that are extremely difficult to attain. These standards become a trap that holds us in a prison of achievement paralysis due to a desire to do everything perfectly without mistakes. Instead of engaging in this vicious cycle, I challenge you to catch yourself doing something right and recognizing your genius.
We spend so much time looking for others to affirm us and to celebrate us, but we take our power back when we learn to affirm ourselves and celebrate ourselves first.
A good tactical practice to help you build the habit of noticing your greatness in small things is to reflect on or write down two things that you are proud of every day for 30 days. You would be surprised how much you do right, and now you get to notice it because you are not looking for it!
5. Practice self-care
If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? Practicing self-care sets you up to live your best life because the quality of your life is dependent on your emotional state. If you are not taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually, your emotional strength or resilience will be negatively impacted. Simple things can be done routinely to increase one’s sense of security, worth, well-being, effectiveness, and inner peace. These things as the late Stephen Covey says are about sharpening the saw, i.e., preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have – which is YOU! We all have different ways to sharpen our saw and bring renewal to our lives. Some basic ones are sleep, exercise, and eating well. Beyond the basics, there is visualization, meditation, hiking in nature, reading, journaling, dancing. The list is as diverse as our distinct personhood. Read this blog for more on how these self-care practices can play a key role in helping you to bounce-back during challenging times.
Do you remember the things that bring you joy? How long has it been since you have engaged in self-care? Oh my dear one, I encourage you to take a small step to bring self-care into your life. Maybe you can start with a bubble bath! Whatever you do, don’t get overwhelmed by trying to do too much. Do little things. If a practice is a hassle, you are not going to do it. So focus on brief actions that take only a few minutes because consistency is more important than length of time.
Call to transformational action
To really experience profound transformation, one must be committed to consistent action. I always have a call to action in my blogs because transformation doesn’t happen by reading or piling up on information. That is what the average person does, but I believe you are not average. Average people don’t spend their time reading blogs like this. You are extraordinary. As the blogging coach for an extraordinary woman, I am committed to being your guide in experiencing deep transformation. We must assimilate the necessary information into our cells until it becomes a part of us. This is accomplished through two kinds of actions:
An action that strengthens our being, through reflection and learning. e.g., journaling our thoughts and ideas, and
An action that challenges us to DO something. e.g., launching a project or booking a speaking engagement.
The above two kinds of actions are what make transformation possible. Commit to taking one action from the 5 above to start your journey of living beyond the limits of low self-confidence.
For more tips on building unstoppable self-confidence, SUBSCRIBE to this transformational empowerment blog and receive your free e-book, 10 Confidence Building Strategies that you can implement now! Subscribe here!
If you found this post helpful, I want you to do a couple of things:
1. Check out my Youtube Video “How To Build Your Confidence At Work,” which is very closely related to this post.