Handling Self Doubt & Fear During Challenging Times & A Love Meditation
The primary focus in the content that I release and in my business overall is to help professional and business women develop unshakable confidence so that they can FULLY live out their potential. To get inherently brilliant women to a place where we can readily access boldness, determination, grit, endurance, perseverance, stamina so that we can rise above, level up, overcome, defeat, crush, and triumph over every single obstacle, opposition and set back that comes to our path. I have passion for this. I have fervor for this. I have intensity about this. Why? Because we are made for so much more than so many of us are living up to and we feel it, know it, sense it, and have had enough of it (well, at least I have).
The opposite of confidence is doubt, that is self doubt fueled by fear. Much of this self doubt is connected to lack of belief our abilities and a fear that we are just not quite enough. I teach A LOT about courage and not worrying because this is something I myself have had to do A LOT of work to overcome both my fears and anxious tendencies. We all have fears that have been wired into our brain over many years which may lead to a sense of insecurity in different areas of our lives whether or not we are aware of it. Those areas maybe different for each one of us, but one common theme I have seen among professional women is a reluctancy or hesitancy to FULLY own our greatness. Yet I am passionate about this topic because I know what it is like to be stuck in that place of doubt regarding my potential and I also now know what it feels like to be on the other side of it, struggling significantly less in this area than I have in the past. I have learned a few things on this journey and I want to see every woman in business discover their power, develop that power and finally own it!!
I believe that my story below will provide a few lessons about how to navigate insecurity and fears during especially challenging times.
It was December 2017, and I was on a plane from California going to the beautiful island of Honolulu Hawaii to attend the wedding of a very good friend of mine. I drank tea that had an ingredient that I didn't know I was allergic to (really I shouldn't have been trying new foods or drinks when I am flying over the Pacific Ocean knowing full well that I have a lot of food intolerances), but nevertheless, I did!). What happened next was rather dramatic. I first kept going to bathroom to throw up and then on the way back from one of my trips to my seat in the aisle I passed out. I didn't realize it was that bad until I woke up with a number of flight attendants surrounding me and a married couple who were both doctors trying to see if I was ok.
For someone who has a lot of health fears, needless to say the normal me would have freaked out and panicked! When the flight attendant told me “we have just flown over California and started our long 6 hour journey over the Pacific Ocean and the pilot wants to see if you are ok, otherwise we have to turn back now and make an emergency landing in San Francisco.” I looked at her face and she looked worried but I responded in uncharacteristic calmness and slightly out of it, saying no I am fine. I just knew deep down that although I passed out it was just a bodily reaction and I would be ok for this journey to Hawaii.
I wasn't quite sure why I wasn't panicking, and I kept thinking the normal you would be panicking over a lot less, I was looking for panic but panic wasn’t there. Instead of finding my familiar companion of panic, I encountered an unexplainable peace that seemed to have taken over my body. I was looking for the normal anxiety and fear but I just couldn't find it. It was a new feeling when it comes to my health because if it's the one thing that will throw me off my positivity - it's health issues. For me it’s not money, not work, and not even though relationships are extremely important to me, nothing will get to me like health issues do. However as I was lying down feeling weak and faint in the aisle of a Delta airplane flying over the Pacific Ocean, I felt so strangely free, and so liberated. I share this story to tell you that it is truly possible to re-wire your brain to have peace in the midst of challenging times. An example of no matter how you have struggled in the past, a different reality, albeit a better one is certainly possible. The current environment has everyone thinking about their health and the health of their loved ones, sometimes this concern escalates into worry but let me tell you if you, you will be surprised how humans can really step up with fortitude and courage even in the worse of times. Our circumstances maybe challenging but our spirits are extremely resilient and we will surprise our very own selves with the inner resources we already have to rise to every challenge that comes our way.
Here are the 4 lessons I learned about handling self doubt and fear during challenging times.
1. The work we do before hand prepares us to handle the challenge
I had recognized years before this experience that I had wired my brain through repetition to respond in panic and worry to many situations and that I needed to re-program myself to react in new, calmer ways that would be beneficial to my well-being. I didn’t know about Nuero-plasticity (which is the ability of the brain to modify its connections or re-wire itself) at the time, but what I did know was that I couldn’t always change my situation so I had to learn to change what I had control over and that was my response. So over the years I learned to do things that would take me out of the sympathetic system flight or fight response which just kept me stressed, anxious, nervous worried and very high cortisol levels and do things to activate the parasympathetic nervous system which slowed the stress down and put me in a state of internal rest. My go to exercises were meditation and then deep breathing. Progressive relaxation, yoga, walking and exercise have also shown to be good ways to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. These consistent practices over many years programmed me to respond to an unexpected challenge in a new way.
2. We are much more capable than we think
Traveling alone to a foreign land thousands of miles away from the people I knew and loved all while ill isn’t something any of us would ever sign up for, but during this time I was capable, creative and resourceful. When I got to my hotel I decided to rest up for 48 hours, sleep and drink a lot of coconut water because I knew the electrolytes were needed. I called my cousin who was a nurse and asked for her recommendations and notified the hotel staff, family, etc. of what had happened - if I had any symptoms I knew going to the hospital was an option. I did what I needed to do and I took necessary precautions. It sounds simple but the lesson here is even when the unexpected comes, we are capable of figuring it out and handling it much better than we may have thought. For you maybe it isn’t an illness, but a challenge at work or at home that you are afraid of, whatever it is know this you have risen to the occasion in different situations in the past and you are capable of doing it again. I will say this to NYC a few miles from where I live and where the COVID19 has recently become a hotspot. We have also been through 9/11 and seen these brave and courageous people rise to the occasion in a horrible event and we are capable of doing it again.
3. We have many resources available to us, including people to support us
On this flight, I knew no one yet complete strangers came through to support in my time of need. First it was the flight attendants who came to make sure I was ok and then the doctors who coincidentally happened to be on the flight (well maybe not so coincidentally). Finally the college students who were traveling next to me who gave me some extra clothing to change into once I was feeling better - let’s just say I needed the clothes!! In any case I have learned that when we are in need of help somehow help tends to find it’s way to us and as long as we are paying attention we we can accept and welcome it!
4. Remember Love
My last lesson is about love. Fear is a powerful energy that can deplete, drain and eventually destroy but even though fear is strong, love is stronger. I will tell you that yes meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing all helped to keep me calm in this situation but they served to give me the internal peace to notice love and to receive it. When I was throwing up and fear wanted to rise up in me, love answered. Love said to me, don’t worry, you are going to be ok. Love said you got this and I got you. Shortly after that was when I passed out and when I woke up I saw love surrounding me - the love in the form of the flight attendants, doctors and other passengers who helped. You see challenging situations will come up and you can allow love to answer the call or you can listen to the voice of love that is always speaking. I invite you do listen to this meditation that I have created below to not only recognize but receive the love. Whatever challenging situation you are facing today, I encourage you to lean into love and the power of fear will be broken.
Below you will find a love meditation that will help you remember, recognize and receive the eternal love that surrounds you.
The Love Meditation
Take a deep breath in through your nose and then exhale very slowly yet audibly through your mouth for twice as long as you inhaled.
Now I want you to notice a place in your body where you are feeling tension/stress while focusing on breathing into that place, now take another slow deep breath in through your nose and then exhale very slowly yet audibly through your mouth for twice as long as you inhaled.
Love has always been here for you.
You have been covered by love every day of your life.
You are sheltered by love.
You are protected by love.
You are hemmed in by love.
Think to yourself
I am safe
I am held
I am deeply loved
I am protected
I am strong
I am hemmed in by goodness
I have peace in my heart
My mind is clear
My spirit is hopeful
There is grace everywhere
I surrender to trust
Everything I need will find its way to me
I am the recipient of abundant love
Abundant love pursues me
I receive this love
I receive life overflowing
I will spread the light
Thank you love.
Every time you feel fear rising up, return to this meditation to re-center yourself on love! It’s short enough that you can repeat it as many times as needed to re-program your mind and entire being to be still with love.
Here is an audio version to enable you to fully lean into this meditation experience.
Life is abundant and available my dear friends, because we are loved.
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