Processing Our Emotions During Times Of Uncertainty COVID19

These are truly unprecedented times. There is a lot of uncertainty that comes with going through this COVID19 situation. I do not have the answers, as I am also learning how to handle this situations myself, we are all learning together, but what I do want to share are some thoughts that I hope will be calming, freeing and full of both perspective and purpose for you.

1. Give Yourself Grace To Walk Through This Process Imperfectly 

As gladiator powerhouse high potential women in business, we are used to crushing it! We are used to plowing through every obstacle that comes our way. We are used to challenges, and we are used to opposition, so we are ready to brute force through until we attain every last one of our aspirations. Yet, the reality is that in a situation like the one we are currently facing, we are not in control, and that can be scary. This can be disorienting, and it’s okay. You don’t have to be the strongest, boldest, baddest woman in this situation. What you can do is give yourself the grace, meaning the permission to feel what you are feeling without judgment. It is all ok. If you are calm, confident, and enjoying this down time as a result of having less work, amazing. I am super happy for you and proud, no shade here. It is good to be in a place of internal rest. When you are calm your immune system is strengthened and you can physically and mentally handle many potential challenges that comes your way with internal strength. I celebrate you and hope that you will use your energy to help lift someone else up that isn’t feeing as confident as you are. But if you feel worried, overwhelmed or scared, that is ok too. You are allowed to be a human being, just don’t judge yourself for having these feelings or attach any shame to it.

This leads to my second point …

2. Process Your Feelings Don’t Suppress Them

I have found in many situations when I deny how I feel about a circumstance and pretend to be tough, as having it all under control, the feelings of despair will begin to set in. This is when I have become the most stuck and paralyzed by the circumstances that I am in, but when I let go off perfectionism and the expectations of how strong I think that I should be, or how much of a badass I need to be, and give myself permission to feel sad, to feel weak, to feel angry or to feel frustrated, I am able to sit with these feelings, even for just a few minutes and stop suppressing. The most amazing thing is that the feelings eventually begin to move up and out and I become unstuck. You see when we suppress, we remain stuck but when we begin to process we begin to loosen the grip of whatever emotion is holding us hostage. Don’t judge yourself my friend. Allow yourself to feel and process, and as you remove the shame and judgement you will eventually allow those emotions to move through you and out of you. Remember this, you don’t have to be amazing everyday. You don’t have to be a badass every second. You get to be human. An imperfect, beautifully messy human. There is no shame. Release yourself from all perfection expectations. I release you from all perfection expectations. I release me, from all perfection expectations.

3. Find Purpose & Perspective

In my work, I talk a lot about values - the things that are inherently very important to us and drive us to our greatest, most impactful achievements and even more importantly, unleashes our most powerful selves. Connecting to these values regularly, allow us to become grounded in our authentic selves. We could look at this time of self quarantine as just plain inconvenient and frustrating or we can use it as an opportunity to re-evaluate, reassess and begin to course correct. I will talk about my own experiences. I have been in corporate america for over 20 years and as part of that orientation, the lifestyle of overwork and busyness has been a core part of not just my daily habits but also of my identity. The idea of self-care is always something that has attracted me and I have dabbled so much into it from time to time, but when your environment rewards you for producing more, doing more, and accomplishing more, it is very hard to pull away from what seems to be working. Last year when I had a serious wake up call with my health challenge, I was forced to prioritize my health because I knew that hey, no matter how much money I make, and all the accolades I achieve, if I am dead, it won’t matter. I have made great strides in this area of self-care, and continue to live out that commitment as best as I can, but old habits die hard and when I am not vigilant, they begin to sneak back up on me. One thing I can say is that the corona virus has challenged me to remember to keep the first things first. I had slipped a bit for two weeks in my sleep schedule and when I realized that this virus is a serious health challenge especially with those having underlying health conditions, I remembered that putting health first was still the most important thing, and remembering this, put me back on track. I am glad it did, because regardless of a virus outbreak or not - this is a priority to me, just like my relationships with friends and family are a priority. I do have values of contribution, and achievement but relationships, family and health are even bigger values. So this outbreak has re-oriented me and reminded me not to forget the things that I have learned, but to keep putting them into practice and continue making the first things first.

What about you?

What can this situation and extra time give you the permission to do? What purpose and perspective can you get out of this? Maybe it can re-orient you to remember to communicate with your family and friends both near and far because they are important to you, even though you aren’t as consistent in reaching out to them. Now you actually have the time to do that :)

Maybe the extra time could be to practice self care, investing in your professional or personal development, education and training. It will be different for us all, but use the opportunity to re-assess where you have been headed to make sure that you are going in the direction that you want. The direction aligned with your highest values/priorities. Evaluate if 2020 is headed how you projected it to go. The good thing is that it’s the first quarter and you can still course correct now and have your best year yet!! I still plan to :)

4. Surrender To Love

Finally, you can take this opportunity to recognize that you are not always in control, and that’s ok. We like to think that if we do everything perfectly by the book, we can guarantee a certain outcome, but the reality is that is not possible. There are no guarantees in life. Yes, with every action there is a corresponding outcome, and many things we do have control over but as the serenity prayer says, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. Courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Life can be full of uncertainty and unpredictability no matter how thoughtful, organized, prepared and responsible we are. We can wash our hands, practice social distancing, and take all the precautionary methods like I am myself doing to boost our immune systems, etc. and so should you. SERIOUSLY. PLEASE DO. These things we can control. What I cannot control is if me or someone I love despite all my efforts end up getting sick. What I cannot control is the stock market and the financial shake out as a result. We all have family to provide for and bills to pay. What this experience is reminding me of is that no matter what, there is always a certain amount of mystery (a sexy way of saying uncertainty or things over which we have no control). This mystery is something that we don’t love because it can shatter our sense of security and challenge our controlling nature. I certainly have controlling tendencies!! Many of us live under an illusion that we have ultimate control over so many things, but this situation reminds me that I don’t have control and so I release everyone and everything. I don’t release these things as a sign of giving up. I release them to love. I am not a parent but I imagine that on the first day of school when a parent has to drop off the child and leave them hours in the hand of a stranger, or when they give their 16 year old the keys to their first car - there is a level of surrendering that happens. It has to happen to be able to function well in the world. This is a surrender to trust. Trusting that even though the parent isn’t there that the children will be ok. Trusting that when they pick up the child, she will be fine. Trusting that the teenager will come home alive in the car. Everyday we have to practice release and surrender if we are going to keep our mental sanity. This is what I have begun to practice multiple times a day for a minute or two combined with multiple deep inhales and LOOONG exhales when a concern comes up. This exercise allows me to release fear and welcome love. It can allow you to take your brain out of the sympathetic fight or flight mode into the parasympathetic rest and digest mode. I take all the precautionary actions that I possibly can to be practical and then I let go and release what I have no control over. Here are the words.

Words of Surrendering To Love: I say “I am not in control but I release everyone and everything to love. I am not in control but I am deeply loved by the one who is”. These statements are short and sweet, but I offer these releasing sentences as a very long exhale to you today to help you move from denial, fear and worry, to trust, love and surrender. 

Blessings & Peace To You My Sister Friends ❤️

I also recommend This Blog Post “The Most Relaxed Person Is The Most Powerful: How To Have Calm Confidence.”

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ZOOM CALL INFORMATION

Kisha Wynter is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Processing, Releasing & Surrending During Uncertainty

Time: Mar 19, 2020 07:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

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