Day four: You are the SAUCE - Casing the Masterpiece is You
It is less vulnerable to focus on skillset, intelligence and expertise when we talk about professional development yet physical appearance is not insignificant as it relates to self-confidence, and our ability to stand out. Talking about physical appearance feels not just uncomfortable but truly unsafe for most women because it brings a deep sense of vulnerability and often shame in a culture that perpetuates complex and deeply harmful messages about how women should look.
I invite you however into this conversation from a place of kindness, and to begin a process of personal healing. We want to start a healing process regarding our physical appearance, which as it relates to the S.A.U.C.E. we will call the CASING aka, the casing in which we come.
Your CASING, is the external package that the gift of YOU comes in.
As already mentioned, most of us are more comfortable as professional high achieving women talking about the intangibles that make us unique, special and stand out. The education, the training, even the intellectual capacity, may stretch us because we feel as if we are tooting our own horns but PHYSICAL attributes are rigorously avoided due to the insecurities they bring up.
These insecurities can be varied and wide, and definitely reinforced by society and all forms of media.
Some women secretly think:
I don't want to stand in front of the room and do a presentation to the board because I put on a couple of pounds, and I don't want all eyes on me.
My face is breaking out today, so I am not going to get on camera and do a live video or an interview for my business.
My hair isn't professional if it isn't good hair (aka straight) kinky, curly, wavy just isn't the look for top executive women ... this is certainly the message driven in many countries & cultures, including here in the U.S.
I am too skinny (yes, it's a thing that some women do struggle with if you are wondering)
I am wrinkling up, and beginning to look old
My eyes are a little too slanted
Gray hairs
Skin is too dark
I want to say to you my lovely sister that YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE.
JUST as you are.
You are carefully designed.
Wonderfully and perfectly created.
Every hair, cell, organ, tissue in your body is functioning optimally as they were destined to.
The CASING that you came in isn't accidental.
It was intentional.
You are a MASTERPIECE.
Only someone who looks like you, sounds like you, moves like you - will be able to touch, reach, and make the impact you are DESTINED to make.
When you reject the casing, the package you come in, you also reject the miracle that is you.
The miracle that will be like magic to the people your life is meant to touch
The companies you are called to transform.
The cultures you are meant to shake up.
You are meant to sprinkle a LOT of your MAGIC everywhere
Remember Johnny Q?
He doesn't have that special unique MAGIC that is you.
So, embrace ALL of you.
Bring your FULL self to all you do.
This is freedom.
Your ability to unmask the covering and unveil the splendor that is true.
Truly you.
This is the C in the S.A.U.C.E.
No one can copy all that is unique about you.
And that
IS.
YOUR.
ADVANTAGE.
Your competitive ADVANTAGE, and a key ingredient to your secret sauce.
Where do I GROW from here?
I never like to leave the site of giving encouragement and inspiration for such a sensitive topic without inviting you to do the growth work (my word for personal growth homework), to facilitate deeper healing.
We talked about the society induced shame that is associated with our physical appearance. The healing energy that counteracts the damage from shame is HONOR.
Honor restores and heals what shame destroys.
The first step of this healing process is to identify the message that brought you shame around your physical appearance. Using myself as an example, there have been many places that have been sources of shame around my physical appearance, one of them has been having thick thighs. it doesn’t matter how much weight I loose or how skinny I become, the thighs will lose inches but they will NEVER be model thin. I have literally been down to 118 pounds, which is literally the lowest weight I can be on a BMI scale and STILL the thighs are there. I spent so many years and so much time in shame about the physical appearance of my thighs that I never took a step back to acknowledge the gifts they gave me until one day I woke up unexplainably not being able to walk because of an excruciating pain in my thighs all the way down to my leg. It was the day I was attending the funeral of a best friend, perhaps it was the way my body was processing the trauma of her death. In any regards, this pain continued for almost two weeks. Limping to work, not being able to walk up and down the staircase in my house, and having my co-workers helping me to my car. At the end of the two weeks when I could walk and sleep without the pain, I was flooded emotionally with gratitude. Frankly I wasn’t the only one, as my dad saw me walk down the stairs and he literally ran towards me giving a hug and saying, my daughter can walk!! I cried. I cried because I had full function of my legs. I cried because I was no longer limping. I cried because I was no longer in pain. I cried because I was alive.
The thighs I spent so many years despising were a gift. I could walk to the beach. I could run in half marathons. I could travel across the world, walk in museums, places and countless monuments because of these legs. No more would I shame them, but I live in gratitude of them.
3 Part Healing from Shame Action Plan
I invite you to spend some time reflecting on what has been the source of shame for you due to some aspect of your physical appearance. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. Hold space for that hurt, knowing that none of this was your fault. Treat yourself as you would a loved one such as a child, parent or dear friend.
Now I want you to begin to reflect on the GIFTS of this physical “imperfection” and what you are grateful for because of it.
I want you to choose one activity this week that will bring HONOR & healing to the places in your soul that have been broken by this shame. Let your intuition guide you on the activity that is right for you. It could be speaking to yourself with kindness, it could be a gratitude practice, or it could be some other self-care practice.
My hope is that this work, will allow you move from shame to honor, then from honor to gratitude and then from gratitude to a celebration of all that is you.