Dark Reasons Why You're Not Getting Promoted At Work As A Woman (The Sobering Truth)
In the last Youtube video and blog post I delved deeply into How To Get Promoted As A Woman and some of the comments/concerns that I received through a social media survey that I conducted reflected frustration on having been thoroughly diligent in applying many of the strategies that I shared in the blog but to no avail, the promotion still didn’t happen for many of you. You asked, what am I still missing?!! Sister, you know I got you, SO in this week’s blog I decided to take the kitten gloves off and tell you the unspoken truth that many decision makers may not want to admit, but I will share bluntly with you so that you can make an educated decision on what your next step should be. These are the Dark Reasons Why You Are Not Getting Promoted that is often taboo or difficult to discuss in an organization but hey, this is my blog not a corporation and I am ready to take you behind the closed door discussions that you may not be privy to, so grab your tea and notepad and let’s dive in!
The Dark Reasons:
1. Bias & Preferential Treatment
We all like to think that we are objective people that make rationale fact based decisions that is completely free of personal preferences or bias. This is just not true, it is not how our brain is wired nor is it how we are socialized. In every decision that is made by any individual, there is a filter through which the decision is made and that filter is the mind of the people who are making the decision. Our views are shaped by life experience, culture, religion, economic background, how we were raised and a myriad of other factors and those views influence all decisions we make even when we try really hard to be objective. However, many organizations erroneously think that their decisions, especially those around promotions and other employment decisions are purely based on bias free data and driven by the merit of the people being considered. THIS IS NOT TRUE. According to research done by Emilio J. Castilla, Phd a Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor and Stephen Benard in their article "The Paradox of Meritocracy in Organizations." Administrative Science Quarterly 55.4 (2010): 543-676, when organizations adopt a purely meritocratic organizational view, where gender and social disadvantages are not acknowledged, biases and stereotypes may actually be accentuated ... Researchers have contemplated the idea that emphasizing meritocracy as an organizational value may actually trigger implicit gender biases” (and I would add race, nationality, and all the other biases that you can think of). For more about this research, read this Harvard University article.
I share this article to validate you. To let you know what you have been thinking that is playing into the decision to help you get to the next level is more than likely true. You are not being too sensitive or imagining things. We are talking about human nature. The question is now what are you going to do about it? If the bias that you are dealing with is truly unintentional, there are things that you can do to bridge the gap between you and decision makers and establish a bases of commonality between you and the individual(s). I have had experiences where I have done this successfully in the past and I share an example of this in the YOUTUBE video related to this blog here. No, you may not golf or ski, or whatever the boys club maybe into but there are other points of connection that you can establish with well meaning basic good people that are willing. Maybe the commonality is that you both have teenagers, or love traveling, other hobbies, sports, etc. Study the person and make it a fun experiment to build a point of connection. However, and this is a BIG HOWEVER!!! when the bias is systemic and even EXPLICIT where leaders have no interest in transforming a toxic workplace it’s time to call it, and move on. You are not going to win a battle in such an environment. Update your resume and find a place that is conducive to your development, growth and to your flourishing. Life is too short.
To help you prepare for your job search, here are two resources click here to get a cheat sheet on the Top 10 Most Common Interview Questions and How To Answer Them and read this blog on How To Interview For A Job Confidently. If you are still confused on whether you should quit, read this article, How To Know When It’s Time To Quit Your Job.
2. Crying At Work
Some of these dark reasons you may not have control over as is the example in the first item above, but this one is completely within your control sis! Trust me, no matter how angry, how hurt or how frustrated you are at work - crying is a no win situation. Crying first of all changes the way a person is perceived by colleagues. They are seen as less competent and whether or not this is true, unfortunately in this case, perception is reality if the decision maker has this view. The crying person may also be seen as emotionally unstable and unable to handle challenging situations aka ‘the hard stuff.’ They maybe sympathetic towards you and may even want to help you by providing emotional support, but they won’t trust you to be able to handle difficult situations when they arise, which means you won’t be the one they call when they have a problem to be fixed. Whoever is the person they are calling when they have a need is the person they will likely promote. Enough said! Go cry at home to your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom or dad but at work be a savvy boss woman.
3. No Self-awareness
Alright, while I am talking about things that you are in control over here’s another one … yup I am stacking it so put your big girl pants on my love :)
Having emotional intelligence is a fundamental skill that leaders or those who want to be leaders need to have in order to grow in their career. Self-awareness according to EQ expert Daniel Goleman is the ability to understand your own emotions and their effect on your performance INCLUDING having an accurate sense of your strengths and limitations. In the real world people with low or no self-awareness are difficult to work with and impossible to coach. Everyone has things they do well and things they need to improve on, the challenge is that a person with no self-awareness will never improve on their areas of weaknesses because they are unaware of and not receptive to feedback on those areas of needed focus. This book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 has some great strategies to help you overcome this career limiting tendency such as Keeping a Journal About Your Emotions, Stop and Ask Yourself Why You Do the Things you Do, Seeking Feedback and Getting To Know Yourself under Stress. It is a good way to “check yourself before you wreck yourself” (if you don’t get that analogy ask a friend or professor Google :)
4. You Are Too Good At Your Job So You Get Blocked Stopped
So you have worked to make yourself indispensable to your organization, become the best at what you do and now you are the go to expert. Guess what? You have succeeded, you are so good and indispensable that now your manager doesn’t want to lose the built up knowledge that you have successfully amassed and they maybe sabotaging your efforts to move up or out. You my friend are being stopped and blocked from career advancement. They may tell you directly that you can’t leave because they need you and won’t support your efforts to leave within the company or they may pretend to support you but then behind your back tell prospective new bosses within the company another story. Welcome to the world of organizational politics. If you are savvy enough to play the game and have done the work BEFORE this, to build strong relationships in leadership beyond your boss you maybe able to successfully take the challenge on. I have had this experience in the past and I simply overcame it when I found out the low down dirty truth by going to my manager’s boss who was a friend, who supported my desire to move on - but I admit, this is a VERY risky move and if you are not 100% sure that your network is strong enough to support, then I would advise against it. Your next best bet is whipping up your resume and finding a new job externally and learn your lesson so that you don’t make this same mistake in a new organization. Check out this blog on How To Advance Your Career Regardless Of Who Your Boss Is for more savvy strategies so that you don’t find yourself in this position again in your new job.
5. You Are Not Viewed As A Culture Fit
Many corporations have a profile of the type of people that they want to work in their organization and see as a good fit. There maybe some merit to that especially when the primary things they are looking for are around soft skills such as being a “team player,” but all too often culture fit is code for being exclusionary rather than inclusionary because you don’t fit a particular background or demographic. For example maybe you didn’t go to an Ivy League school or are no longer in your early 20s so you are not quite what the organization is looking for. If who you are authentically at your best isn’t aligned to what the company or department want, I say spare yourself. Go where everything you bring to the table is celebrated and leveraged not tolerated.
In many cases, companies can be too narrow in their perspective and rather than trying to get everyone to fit in, they should be looking for people who can bring something new to the table and shake the company out of irrelevancy or even helping them to get an edge. As entrepreneur Daniel Lesli says in her work, we need to get better at allowing employees to leverage your cultural advantage, the unique thing that they bring to the table, rather than trying to force fit into a culture that we have already have enough representation of. As American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson says “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the greatest accomplishment.” Check out my blog, on How to Make Your Difference As Your Differentiator and forget trying to fake fitting in. It’s just too exhausting and professionally limiting. What you are now, is exactly what some organization needs and they already know it, go find them!
6. You Are Overzealous (aka Trying Too Hard)
When you are overzealous in trying to get that promotion, it can be off putting. You take it up a notch from being proactive and having high initiative to just being plain weird and even annoying. I can’t count how many leadership discussions I have been a part of where decision makers say yeah they are smart and probably can do the job but geez they are just too much. They need to take a chill pill and stop trying so hard. Yes, I get it though, you want it bad and you have heard take initiative so you step your game up - but sis, just don’t be weird. Weird is jumping into a conversation when you are not invited or wanted, weird is trying to be someone you are not like changing how you dress to try to look like someone else or how you talk to try to sound like someone else. The list of weird is long, I had an employee show up to my office a number of years ago to have a meeting without a topic or agenda and just sat there staring after the initial hello, I was like ok what are we talking about? Ummm, stuttering, dead silence - that’s weird. Apparently someone told him to be more visible and that was his definition of being visible - scheduling a meeting with out a plan. Alright, get a plan and do your best but also chill and be yourself because if the org doesn't think you have what it takes to go to the next level your best bet is to find out why and work on it, if it means you have to be someone else that you are authentically not then take the advice I gave you in point number 5, but please do not be an anxious overzealous weirdo.
7. People Don’t Trust You
In his book, The Speed Of Trust Stephen MR Covey says that the organization that you work for and you must see a display of alignment in order to for trust to be mutual. In order for your organization and the people in it to trust you enough to want to promote you they have to see evidence of your trust worthiness. If you engage in any of the below actions trust will be quickly undermined. Use it as a checklist on what to stop doing so that you can start building trust.
You lack competence/expertise
You have character flaws like:
a. Taking credit for other people’s work
b. Gossiping about others
You are not reliable (for example, you don’t follow up or follow through)
You are not seen as a team player/overly independent (never ask for or need any help)
What other Dark Reason have I not covered that you think gets in the way of otherwise competent people from being promoted? Share your thoughts with me via sending me a message on Instagram.
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