How To Confidently Own Your Voice (Part 3 of 3)

In the last two blogs we reviewed why women in particular have a challenge with owning our voice and what are some techniques we can employ to communicate more powerfully once we open our mouths (here’s the YouTube video linked to this series). This week’s final blog in the series we will explore how exactly to find the courage to own our voice, that is what mindset will help us to be brave as we endeavor to step outside of our comfort zones and speak up, like we should. Remember, being brave isn’t about not being afraid, rather it is that when the fear shows up you don’t let it paralyze you but you use it as a tool to propel you to action. So let’s dig in!

1. Recognize that you have earned the right to be in the room so speak up

Quit coming from a place of insecurity and stop questioning whether or not you should say something. If you are in the room, at the table or have been invited to the meeting you have already earned your right. You have just as much voice as anyone else in the room. See yourself as a peer and not as a subordinate. You are invited to contribute for a reason and to have your voice heard. If you don’t speak up, you are not fully doing your job and are wasting the opportunity granted. Rest in the fact that you have earned your seat at the table, so start acting and therefore speaking as if you have paid your dues, because you have, otherwise you would not be there!

2. Understand the value that you bring

Secondary to the fact that you have earned your seat at the table, recognize the value that you bring. Know how you can contribute and what your potential impact can be. Some things to look at are what experience you have, especially any that is unique that can bring another point of view. It could be job experience or technical expertise, but it could also be your background, heritage, language skills, the community your are a part of, your generation or anything that brings a perspective that isn’t already represented in the room. This blog post, “Your Difference As Your Differentiator” explores why the thing that makes you unique can be the key to unleashing your brilliance. Your full authentic self is everything that is needed to shake up the status quo and to drive innovation.

3. Change how you measure success

Give yourself the grace to learn and grow to build your communication skillset. The measure of success when you start owning your voice is never going to be - being the loudest person who dominates the room and owns the conversation. This is an unrealistic expectation just as it would be for a toddler to go from creeping to running a marathon. There are baby steps. So determine a realistic definition of success when you first start owning your voice and celebrate when you take those tiny steps. For example, the measure of success could be that you speak up first by asking a question at the beginning of a meeting and contribute to the discussion two more times before the meeting ends. As you get more comfortable and used to speaking up you can change the success metrics to larger ones. Small incremental changes can bring huge rewards, so recognize and celebrate where you are on the journey, and ditch the perfectionist mindset. For more on how to Overcome Perfectionism and Build Courage, check out this Youtube Video.

4. Mistake are learning opportunities

Embrace mistakes not as ultimate doom and failure but as what it truly is, a learning opportunity that will bring you one step closer to success. Realize that that the mistake isn’t final, and that its role is just an experiment that proves to you what strategy doesn’t work, so once you have ruled that idea out, you are closer to discovering the most effective strategy. If you don’t stop trying, the opportunities are literally endless and failure will be your breakthrough to success, so stop over-reacting or I should say reacting inaccurately to it. Want more helpful insights on failure and resiliency? Check out this blog.

5. Don't Stress Criticism But Know How To Take Helpful Feedback To Accelerate Your Growth

Most of the times people won't even notice what we don't do right because everyone else is paying attention to how they themselves are performing and doing. We think people think more about us and our flaws than they do. I recently heard this amazing quote accredited to the late columnist Ann Landers which I love so much, “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.” So true and hilarious at the same time. Listen, everyone else is much more focused on themselves than they are on you, so recognize that your biggest obstacle isn't the critics but your own mindset. The African Proverb, if there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm really resonates here. However if you do receive constructive feedback learn to take it as valuable information to help you learn and grow rather than as an indictment against who you are as a person. Constructive feedback will always help to refine our technique and help us become more effective at whatever goal we have including communication. Therefore, take feedback as the gift that it is and let go of the emotional interpretation we may have attached to it that causes us to spiral.

Final thoughts

No matter what reasons you have for not being skilled at owning your voice and speaking up powerfully, be it your culture, how you were raised or just plain shyness, it isn’t too late to start now. What is great about this journey of personal and professional growth is that everyday is an opportunity to learn and put into practice new wisdom that we have gathered. Commit to adapting the mindset shifts that help you to step into your authentic courageous self and as you uncover the powerful woman within and start practicing your voice you will discover your own influential style, charisma and message that you have to gift to the world. Challenge yourself to unleash your most courageous, brilliant and powerful true self.

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